Aperture Note
by Iubire
Summary: Technically, this is a Death Note and Portal crossover. But I wanted people to read it and so I put it up here. Actual summary is inside. So please read!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary- A total crack-fic with a plotline(sorta). L is the new CEO of Aperture Science and now he must deal with psychotic AI's, singing turrets, accident prone employees, a stuck-up rival corporation(that may or may not destroy humanity), retarded personality cores, a bi-polar assistant director and his neat freak, bossy girlfriend, and destructive test subjects. Just another day at Aperture laboratory.  
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**AN-Woot! I got it up! YAY!:D I've been meaning to do this, but im lazy. But I've got it up! So enjoy!**

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><p>"YOU GAVE HER NEUROTOXIN?"<p>

"I thought it'd be funny."  
>"SHE WILL <em>KILL <em>US, YOU MORON!"

"Nu-uh. I'm not _that _stupid. I put a neurotoxin release button in a specific part of the facility that she doesn't control."

"Whoever you put in charge of it is going to fall asleep sometime, and I'm sure GLaDOS will take advantage of that."

"I put an A.I. in charge of it."

"Really? That was actually pretty smart of you. Which A.I.?"

"…"

"Beyond. Which A.I. did you put in charge of the button?"

"…wheatley…"

"YOU PUT WHEATLEY IN CHARGE OF THE NEUROTOXIN RELEASE BUTTON?"

"I'm sorry, L-kun! It's just…he's effed up every other job, and, not even a moron could screw this up! ...Right?"

"I wouldn't put it past him... How would giving GLaDOS neurotoxin be fun?"

"I was hoping she'd…you know…useitonthetestsubjects."

"Use it on the test subjects?" He sighed. "You always were a sadist. And it would be interesting to see how they react. Most of them _are _brain-damaged. I doubt it would have screwed them up any more than they are. But still. It was a bad idea, Beyond. She'll probably figure out some way to release that stuff. In fact she's probably"

L was cut off by a rather loud explosion. One of the doors leading to the various labs opened up and two people along with a great deal of smoke came out.

"Gah! Dammit Matt! I told you that stuff was flammable!"

"No you didn't! You're the one who told me to burn it! Oh! L! Did you know that conversion gel explodes if subjected to temperatures exceeding 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit?"

"I do now. Weren't you supposed to be working on the new cores?"

"Umm…Well yeah, but…we got bored."  
>"So you lit a highly toxic substance that costs a fortune to manufacture on fire?"<p>

"It was for science! Now we know not to do that! See? Everything works out in the end."

L sighed again and tried to alleviate the growing headache he was getting. Matt and Mello were running off, probably to burn something else that would cost him another grand. Beyond had taken advantage of the distraction and disappeared, not that he expected anything different from him. The raven haired young man didn't really like people. He had the odd habit of talking with the A.I.'s instead, especially the corrupted cores headed for the incinerator (which was 4,000 and _1 _degrees Kelvin because Cave Johnson used to have a frequent problem of machinery exploding so he made all the tech withstand high temperatures) Downing an aspirin along with a cup of coffee (read: coffee flavored sugar), L started heading back to his desk when GLaDOS alerted him."What is it now? Because if it's more of your insults, save them for the test subjects." **"Actually, I'm not here to tell you your company's slowly and steadily sinking into the financial trash heap that defined Cave Johnson's management of Aperture. Someone's asking to see you." **Even when she wasn't insulting him, the computer grated on his nerves today. "Who?" "**The CEO of Black Mesa."**

L resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall and got into the elevator. Sure enough, when he got to the entrance, tapping his foot impatiently stood Light Yagami. The prodigal teenager had masterminded the takeover of the company and most information about the company was kept from public knowledge. Except he knew pretty much everything about Black Mesa. It was well known that the two companies hated each other, Aperture hated Mesa for stealing the portal gun idea (which failed miserably) and Mesa hated Aperture for getting _their _portal gun not only to work, but defy most of the laws of physics. That and the two CEO's had a burning hatred for one another. Light's holier-than-thou attitude annoyed L, while L's I-really-don't-give-a-damn-about-your-stupid-alternate-dimension attitude pissed off Light. "Don't you have an apocalypse to start?" L asked. "We are _not_ instigating the apocalypse-""Just wait. You'll royally screw up eventually. Oh yeah! How's _your _portal gun coming along? Because mine? It's freaking awesome. I even brought it with me. See how it's _functioning _and _working _and we're_ mass producing _them? And_ yours _almost destroyed the fabric of reality? Oh yeah, did you kill all those headcrabs? Or are they still turning your employees into brain-dead zombies? I can't remember." Light's left eye twitched, a sure sign he was trying very hard not to beat the crap out of the person standing in front of him. "We killed them all, so don't worry. However, I'd be willing to introduce you to several specimens we captured." "**And I'd be more than willing to introduce you to my close friend, deadly neurotoxin."** "GLaDOS. A pleasure to hear from you again. How is Caroline?" The facility below rattled. It was almost as if GLaDOS was growling. Light smirked. L held the portal gun tighter, meaning _he _was trying very hard not to beat the crap out of the smart-alecky teenager. Then, quite suddenly, L smiled. "Light-kun, why don't I introduce you to one of our more recent inventions?" Light looked confused. "Which one?" L's smile became broader. "Conversion gel." Behind one of the lab doors, Matt, Mello, and Near snickered. "Ummm…okay?" Still grinning, L led Light down to one of the open testing chambers that held conversion gel. These chambers weren't like other testing chambers. They were devoted to testing one type of invention, in every way possible. Matt was still working on the one for aerial faith plates. L wanted to personally try that one. It looked fun. With a Cheshire cat grin still on his face, L pulled a lever, which caused a great deal of white gel to pour out from a pipe close by, splattering Light in the process. "Oh I am _so _sorry! Did I get you? My bad. Hopefully that will come out of your very expensive Armani suit." Now furious, Light stormed out of the chamber. L smirked. "Well, that's one headache gone. Hopefully his psychotic wife will kill herself after he dies. I probably should have told Light conversion gel is pure poison." **"My, aren't you devious today? Nothing fills my circuitry with more glee then your attempted murder." **"Attempted?" **"Much as I love your obvious and well deserved act of vengeance, I regret to inform you that your scientists have managed to make the gel non-lethal. The most it will do is put the annoying CEO out of commission for a month or two. So sorry." **"Damn. That bastard's annoying as hell when he's fine. He's going to be a nightmare when he recovers." **"If it makes you feel better, his suits ruined." **L smirked again. "I can settle for that. Personally, I think destroying his suit would hurt him more than killing him." **"No wonder I like you."**

L smiled affectionately at the red camera in the corner. L was one of the few people GLaDOS actually enjoyed talking to. Not that that stopped her from issuing sarcastic comments every now and then. The insomniac also enjoyed the rouge A.I.'s company, much to the distress of his lead scientist, Doug Rattman. Rattman insisted the A.I. would eventually kill everyone. Although she _had _displayed violent tendencies when first installed her, once daily homicide attempts were now once a week, which was a major improvement in his book. Then again, Rattman _did _have schizophrenia so of course he would be suspicious of GLaDOS. He was suspicious of everyone. L handed the portal gun back to one of the many employees and started back to his office. Again. Surprisingly, he made it back without incident. Weird. _Now _he was suspicious. There was _always_ something happening that required his immediate attention. Frowning he checked all the security cameras. Nothing. Everyone was working and none of the turrets were malfunctioning, the mantis men on the lower levels weren't trying to break out, Matt and Mello were actually working (which was a cause for concern in itself), Near was busy reprogramming the defective turrets, and even Rattman was calm. Wait…Where was Beyond? Staring to panic, L quickly checked all the security cameras GLaDOS had online. No way. He was gone. That was impossible. The elevators hadn't been used, and GLaDOS had cameras _everywhere_. Except…_. 'I put a neurotoxin release button in a specific part of the facility that she doesn't control.' _Dammit! Of all the places he had to hide, he had to hide there? Why couldn't he make this easy for once? L quickly ran back towards the elevator, grabbing a gas mask just in case. Sure enough, there he was, chatting with Wheatley. L sighed.

Beyond turned around. "Oh! Hi. Me and Wheatley were just talking about you." L never could understand why Beyond was so fond of the A.I.'s. They were just data and programming. They weren't human. Except for GLaDOS. No idea how that psycho Cave Johnson managed that. He wasn't sure about Wheatley. There were no records of an employee matching his personality, but there were also no records of his manufacturing. It was odd. But he had other things to worry about. "Beyond, stop leaning on the button. If you accidentally press it, you can expect more than a pay cut." Sighing Beyond got up and walked toward the companion cube in the corner. Yet another thing he didn't understand. Test subjects, Rattman, Beyond, and several other employees all had a fondness for the thing. It was just a cube with hearts. It didn't talk, it wasn't comforting, it was heavy as hell, and all it did was sit there. Yet nearly every test subject broke down in tears when they threw it into an incinerator. It was a paradox. A loud crack brought his attention to Wheatley's management rail. **"!" **And with that, Wheatley broke off the rail and fell to the floor. But not before he hit the neurotoxin release button. Cursing under his breath, L slipped on his gas mask and headed out the door, Beyond following close behind. The familiar alarm was going off. L remembered when he first became CEO of Aperture. The last one had died in one of GLaDOS' many, many, MANY neurotoxin gassings. He had only been 16 at the time, but he had proven himself more than capable of managing the company. In the span of a decade, he had accomplished what any other CEO struggled with, in a relatively short period of time with no undue effort. He had actually brought Aperture out of "the financial trash heap", something the company's' been struggling with since the 60's. Idiots. L sighed again and stepped over an employee writhing on the floor. "What did I tell you?" "Yes, Rattman. You were right. Just install the damn core already." **"Core? What core? What are you going to put on me?"** GLaDOS' was starting to panic. "The last time you gassed the facility, me and Rattman made a deal. The next time you decide to flood the place with neurotoxin, we install his Morality Core." **"WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO LET SOMETHING THAT PSYCHO DESIGNED BE INSTALLED INTO MY MAINFRAME?" **"Yes. Now calm down-"He was cut off by the sound of turret fire. L sighed again. "Why can't anyone make this easy?"

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><p><strong>AN- YAY! First chappie is done! i posted this on deviantart first and it got some awesome feedback, so i hope you guys like it too! GLaDOS! Tell them what they must do!<br>GLaDOS-Review...and maybe the CEO will live...Maybe.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Aperture Note**

**Chapter 2**

**Poor Beyond**

**A/N-HA! Bet you didn't think I'd post this, huh? WELL I DID! HAHAHA! Now read my sucky story.**

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><p>Turret fire continued to echo as GLaDOS tried to kill them. Breathing through the gas mask, L tried to figure out a way to get through the throng of trigger-happy machines. Nearby, he could hear BB and Wheatley conversing. Rattman continued to chatter, but he had stopped listening a while ago, something about that 'damn AI' and 'the cocky attitude of today's youth' or something. It took him a while before he noticed it, but BB had stopped talking. That….that didn't happen often. Whenever a core was nearby, he usually occupied his ever growing boredom by endlessly chatting with it….the only thing that caused him to clam up like this was….<p>

"BEYOND BIRTHDAY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Goddammit. Of all the people in the world to show up, it had to be HER. Beyond stuttered a reply.

"Ahh, ummm, ah…I was….I… I was making sure no one was in the neurotoxin release room!"

"BULL SHIT!"

"Alexis! Language!"

"STFU YOU SCHIZOPHRENIC PARANOID EXCUSE FOR A SCIENTIST! L! I TOLD you he would do something stupid! If you had just listened to me and demoted him-"

"HEY!"

"THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!"

L sighed. He was a pain to deal with when she was like this. She was bitchy, annoying, and blamed everything on her poor boyfriend, Beyond (even when he wasn't here [no really! Once he was doing research in Japan, and GLaDOS sicked turrets on them, and she called him, forced him to abandon the project, book a flight all the way back to America, just to yell at him for a situation that had been resolved the previous day. ] I have no idea why he dates that bitch). Alexis, better known as A, was his assistant director. Well, co-assistant director, since Beyond held the position as well. It was mostly Alexis though (since Beyond was a bit of a slacker, and easily distracted). She was actually very pleasant when she wasn't pissed. Nice to the employees, not pounding Beyond's head against a wall (like she was doing now), keeping the personality cores from malfunctioning, all in all, an excellent employee. But….she had a bit of a temper.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP ITTTTTTTTT! ALEXIS!"

"YOU LAZY *bang* SELF-ABSORBED *bang* IGNORANT *bang* PATHETIC *bang* EXCUSE FOR A SCIENTIST! *bang bang bang bang bang* HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?"

"IM SOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!"

"SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!" And then she rammed his head through the wall. THROUGH. THE. WALL. The one made of 6 inches of solid steel. She rammed his head THROUGH it. L couldn't help but be impressed. It takes a lot to ram someone's head through 6 inches of steel.

"OWWWWWWW! IM SO SOOOORRRYYYYY! I'LL FIX THIS I SWEAR!"

"YOU BETTER BEYOND! OR I WILL KILL YOU! THEN BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE AND DISEMBOWEL YOU!"

L sighed. Poor Beyond. Always getting abused by his girlfriend. But right now, everyone just needed to SHUT UP so he could THINK!

"OW! OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOW! ALEXIS! IM SOOORRRR-

"Everyone SHUT UP! ALEXIS! Stop tormenting your boyfriend! Beyond! Stop letting your girlfriend beat you up! Wheatley! STOP PANICKING! Rattman! WE KNOW! You were right! So all of you SHUT! UP! I need to THINK!" Everyone looked over to where L was in shock. Even GLaDOS had stopped the turret fire due to his outburst. L _never _raised his voice.

"Everyone….I have a plan."

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><p><strong>AN-Short chapter is short. So not my best work. Ain't it amazing how much bigger everything looks on word? (except for my reports, which get cut in half) *sigh* I be so mean to Beyond. I just like the mental image of Alexis banging Beyond's head against a wall. It makes me LOL. Review this sucky chapter?**


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